Nightmares can leave a lasting effect once you are in the waking world.... had such bad ones last night of being left alone and abandoned...so bad I cant seem to stop the tears this morning... its horrendous...
It was of my parents and they kept leaving me behind and pushing me away... it was not good at all... and all I wanted was love acceptance and approval... urgh it was horrible... its the feelings in waking life that I am dealing with now... to not need anyone elses acceptance or approval but it is so hard.. it is the human condition to want to be loved and accepted and to belong... there is no changing our primitive instincts... its just trying to fit it into the present day
So I am sat at my desk deep breathing and trying to stop crying... so far not successful... but must get it under control before the office fills up....
The weekend overall was good, pleasant and friend filled.... should be happy right now but I guess there has to be hiccups and speedbumps in healing
I pray for a fastfoward button right now... That I could zap myself to the future when there is happiness and calm in my life...
I know these parts of life are supposed to give us character... but really how important is character anyway! Who needs it!
I just wish I was sailing... sailing makes it all better...
hugs, gotta go get more tissue.
J x
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