Today making it to work was a challange...staying at the doctor imposed safe house is nice, it is a second home to me but my depression still longs for my own home bed and duvet over my head...
Not sure why today is painful once again, maybe because I have a counselling session today, maybe because its only been a few days since the breakdown began and no one can heal overnight....
I long for happiness, I miss love... I wish things were all around different... but I have to turn my eyes toward the future and tell myself, remind myself that this is good this is the moment where my life truly does change.... every feeling every thought every insecurity that I have ever had is on the outside of me right now, they are like clothing surrounding me... and I have to look each one of them in the eye... I have to face it feel it and deal with it so they will never return to haunt me and ruin my life ever again...
What most people dont know is depression does manifest itself as true pain...physical pain... my chest is so tight sometimes I cant get my breath...but I am learning to breathe...just breathe and it will relax....
Alright...time to start to pretend to work...
:) x
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