Step on

Down and out... relationship on the rocks, lack of confidence, no desire to get out of bed...envious of hearing true laughter around me... its all crashing down...

Its amazing to see how love opens up a whole ball of wax... one day you are single happily living in denial, yes sure we all hit a down day once again but you are able to brush it off move on and be fine...just fine..

Then loves comes to town and boom, world upside down, the euphoria of it, the excitement, the anticipation of whats to come and what does the future hold..its intoxicating...

Then comes the demons...very slowly at first so you don't even notice them creeping up, or they can be explained away by silly things like it was a full moon or tequila...

Then it grows..the nagging inner voice building your anxiety... feeding its own self needs and pushing the wedge between reality and you...emotions fueled by insecurity and fear take you to a new level of insanity then the relationship crumbles...the damage done you hope it can be repaired but its been shaken so badly that the foundation may have cracked and you can never really rebuild on it... that has yet to be determined...

Not to be one to be defeated...so fighting though my wanting desire of hiding in my cave I pulled myself to therapy... well first some antidepressants (cipralex)...then to therapy...talk therapy... going in I was in the belief that there can be hope, is there hope? OMG what if there is no saving me....

Its been three sessions now, and its starting to get to the meat of things, there is homework involved which I do like... am doing a chapter on self talk and it has exercises to complete...Had a quick read and I am definitely in the worrier/victim categories...so I will have to come up with my positive self talk replacements...stay tuned I will post them after doing the homework....

And other homework is to get to the gym a minimum of twice before my next session (sessions are once a week)... so far have been once... fingers crossed I hit two...

Basically this is my blog...its starting at what I can only describe as one step above my lowest point...maybe two steps, this site will cover my journey of complete depression to what I can only hope is truly a happy ending.....I hope you join and follow me on this and send in messages or posts as we go

There are so many of us out there that are faced with challenges... I guess this is my time to face them

For now... I wish us well.... happy thoughts right..lol easier said than done...

:) x