Therapist day... my favorite day of the week! It feels like its been ages since I have seen her... too long... but its only been a week and a day!

I will always look forward to my sessions as I see them as stepping forwards... out of the darkness and into the light...

Each day I talk to the inner child and control the outter child... I work towards the one day it all works in harmony...

I have decided I want a career change... a new challange, something that is more me and less not me... I need a good fit as I will be working for a long time coming, might as well make it something I enjoy!

To see each day all the gifts that are around...

Hugs to you all..
Will keep you posted and promise to write more details next time!
J x

URRRRGHHH!!!

OK these pills are driving me mad....truth be told I forgot to take my cipralex over the weekend, and omg I was feeling so so good, then I took the full dose on monday and a half yesterday and I feel dull, unsure, I am having anxiety, and its making me feel needy.... which is soooooo the opposite of where I need to be right now!!!

This is so wrong... so so wrong... I get to see the therapist tomorrow so I am going to get her opinion of what I need to do... fingers are crossed she will let me come off of them... fingers crossed...

And the most bizarrest dreams....I was on the big boat with all the crew but we kept on running aground...and then there was a great dane and a black kitten that were with me... and we were trying to get where we were going... and it started raining... all very odd... (well actually I did think there was rain last night) LOL

OK keeping it together till I get to see the therapist tomorrow....

hugs all...
J x

Hmmm

I guess this is what getting better feels like.... I feel like Bambi really, shaky legs and uncertainty... but I guess that is life in general

I look at others and I think wow, one day I would love to be that confident, one day... But learning the being me is the best thing is great... its nice to admire people but its also nice to not have to pressure myself to be something I am not... I am simply me.

Its crazy to think I was ready to end it all...to take away this experience from myself... how deep and dark that place had become is amazing to me know... I had thought about something happening the other day and my head screamed at me omg that would be horrendous I want to live!!!!! It was a powerful feeling... a miraculous fabulous feeling...

Day by day.. moment by moment..

A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for - William Shed


Hugs
J x

Happy Monday

Wow its monday and I am feeling bright... I had a good weekend and I just feel so much more inner strength lately! I think all the working on myself is starting to take hold...and its a good feeling... I want to keep this happy trend up for a while!!! See how long I can carry it...

Choosing me, and making decisions that will make myself happier has really done a world of good, learning that my abandonment causes me to be a people pleaser and when I just step up and say and do what I want and what is best for me has been amazing... its really let me live...I no longer live in fear that if I dont say the answer that people dont want to hear then they wont like me... I dont have to be that way anymore at all...its great!!!

Getting it together....am really getting it together

J x :)

well

Here we are its friday.... the eve of the weekend and what I can only hope is a fun filled sailing fantastic time

Have done some thinking... I wish there was a book out there more specific to what I am experiencing....maybe I should write one... lol

Had a fantastic night with friends...very unexpected but well worth it!!!

Everyone enjoy the weekend...its always the hardest for me but lets get through it!

hugs
J x

ahh today

Is therapy day... finally I get to see the doctor...I cant wait...I really cant wait.  Her office is a warm bubble to me, its safe and secure and gives me warmth... I like it..

I am overall feeling better today... I do find that working through my book of Anbandonment to Healing it helps me recover after a bad day.. I also made sure I had a work out in there... There was a bit of progress as I did not let my outter child quit.. which is a change...

The day may be grey outside, but today I am a bit brighter in my heart...

To reach a port we must sail, sometimes with the wind, and sometimes against it. But we must not drift or lie at anchor....

True words.
J x

Lost

Today is a bad day. A bad bad day. I am hurt and suffering and I want to run away and never be found.. I want to leave this earthly place for a place in the sun and the sand where pain doesnt exist and love is the only thing left.. My inner child is unleashing herself at me... the screaming and yelling and the pain that is out of control is so difficult to deal with.. no matter how I tried to soothe her it had already begun to tear my heart into pieces again and all the hard work disappeared...

Stepping forward is hard. Moving and existing is hard. Decisions are hard.

I again have it all out in the open and dragging myself to the good place. It just feels like Everest today..

J